Yesterday during the church service I had several children hand me sheets of paper. On those sheets where messages wishing me Happy Birthday and blessings from God. It was a great joy receiving those from children I barely knew. It was a great birthday present. Also, the church sung happy birthday to me and pretty much the entire church gave me a hug and I was prayed over by Nestor and others. The birthday cake I received was awesome as well.
This past week it seems as if I have been reading a lot about being abandoned to God, about being totally dependent upon Him, and to be identified with Christ. Part of that is seeking God with all our heart, “You will seek me and find me. When you seek me with all your heart” (Jeremiah 29:13). Seeking after God is something that is a daily decesion, not something we do once or twice to say we have sought God. If I seek after God merely for an experience I am not truly seeking God. This statement is something I read recently and it truly has penerated my heart. Am I living fully seeking him, falling madly in love with Him, striving for His Kingdom to come? Living a life of dependence upon God, of identification with Christ means dying to the self. Jesus said, “Unless a grain of wheat fails into the earth and dies, it remains alone but if it dies, it bears much fruit. I recently read somethign that I think applies here, “Trust means the willingness to become absolutely empty of all terrifying and comforting images of God that we have held, so that the gift of God in Jesus Christ may come to us on Gods terms.” At times it seems as if the temptation to fall back into what is easy and comfortable is knocking at the door, but there is no adventure, no trust when things seem unceratin, in what is easy. It would require nothing of me to simply read my Bible a few times a week, attend some services, maybe do a ministry project here or there. Those things can be easily down on our own strength and through our own abilities. However it will require everything of me to live abandon to God and dependent upon Him. At times ministering here in Peru seems so difficult and above my head but what I am learning is that I dont do ministry on my own but that I must depend solely upon God because it is God who goes before me and behind me. I am being stretched and challenged. Paul says this “and be found in Him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which comes through faith in Christ, the righteousness that comes from God that depends on faith.” My feeble attempts to please God or be obedient to Him are nothing because I am beginning to see it is not me, but Christ in me, His righteousness, that presents me clean and righeous before God. The thought of not being in control is scary and trusting Him when it seems ridiculous is difficult but I am slowly understanding I can trust in Him and it is much more thrilling and adventurous than living knowing what each day holds.
